I do
Those two famous words every girl knows…and some guys fear.
But in Ancient Rome the famous words were “Ubi tu Gaius, ego Gaia” or translated “where you are the male, I am
the female” or ‘to whatever family or clan you belong, I also belong.
Today, the question asked by the priest, “Who gives this bride away?” is answered by the father answers usually, “Her mother and I.” In the days of Ancient Rome, the bride was passed from the control of her father to the control of her husband.
The bride’s father -with the influence of the mother-determined who the daughter married.The groom had very little say either because even he answered to his papa. Marriage
was of convenience not love. It joined two houses. Yet, the bride did not take her husband's name. In fact, if, after a time, papa didn't like this marriage, he could divorce his daughter from this marriage and remarry her again. Neither bride or groom had a say. But it wasn't good politics.
Let’s start with
the engagement or betrothal or ‘sponsilia’. According to Augustus, a bride “sponsa’ could
not become betrothed under the age of 10 because she was expected to be able to
understand what this was all about. However, we’ve heard of betrothal in Rome
with a infant. This was to rebel against Ausgustus’ taxation on unmarried men.
So, if an unmarried man betrothed a babe who couldn’t marry him until she
became ten years of age, he had ten years of freedom. However the typical age for his first marriage
of the groom or sponsus was in his
late twenties. The sponsa or bride
was in their mid to upper teens.
Another
interesting clue is that the betrothal
gifts were showered upon the couple. The engagement was informal and
could be easily broken. Thus the gifts were simple household gifts, easily
returned. Vases, tableware, blankets. Easy to return.
However, the groom could make substantial gifts during the
engagement and wedding. Why? Because,
Roman law forbade the exchange of substantial gifts between husband and wife
AFTER marriage for political reasons to
prevent him from giving his wife land and apartments that the state was about
to remove from his possession. So he
gave them before marriage.
The concrete symbol of a betrothal or engagement was a ring. It was originally made of iron or gold. This
was slid onto the third finger of the left hand. Why? It was believed that the
Egyptians discovered that a very delicate nerve starts with this finger and
runs directly to the heart.
The Weddings
There were three types of marriages back then. ‘Coemptio’
or a bride purchase. Five witnesses see the groom make a fake purchase of his
bride from her father. A second was ‘Usus’
or cohabitation or simply living together. If the bride lived with her groom
for a full year, they were wed. However, should she stayed with a friend or
family for three days during that year, the marriage was not valid.
And then there was the ‘Confarreatio
‘or the formal wedding. Not all days
were suitable for marriage. It was fatal to marry when the spirits of the dead
were at large (no Halloween) Feb 18 and
Aug 24, Oct 5 and Nov 8, nor was March and May. Thus the saying “Wed in May and
rue the day.”The first half of June was
iffy until the 15th after the cleaning of the temple Vesta. Festival days were good for widows but not
virgins. Second half of June was best of
all. This was nature’s month of abundant fruitfulness. The gods of marriage
belonged to nature or land. as Ceres.
The Confarreato was the only form of marriage deemed legitimate
by Rome and to divorce required the
approval of the pontifix maximus or highest priest. This priest also presided over this ceremony
where the family and friends sat accordingly.
The Groom
The Bride
Her hair had been imprisoned in a crimson net the night
before In the morning, her hair was
parted by a bend spear into six plaited locks bound by woolen fillets as the
Vestial virgins wore as symbols of their chastity. This bend spear instead of a comb implied her
husband’s sexual domination and related back to the kidnap and rape of the
Sabine women as plundered goods. If the
bent spear had killed a gladiator it was even more efficacious.
Her dress or was
woven by her own hands well, early on it was. Later it just appeared to be hand
woven wool or linen that would never be worn in the original form again. In the future the bride wore the matrons dress
or stola, a gown that was embroidered
along the hem. This tunica was fastened at the waist by a woolen belt called ‘the
knot of Hercules’ to avert ill-fortune.
Over this was a cloak or palla
of the color of saffron.
The Wedding Day
The
day started at the bride’s home where she gave up her childhood toys, and was led
to the priest who…either presided in the house of the bride or in a temple.
Either case, the groom’s guests sat on his side and the bride’s sat on her side
of the aisle. Personal family sat up front nearest the ceremony where the bride
and groom sat together on a bench covered with a sheep’s fleece sacrificed for
the occasion.
The priests over saw the sacrifices of doves or pigs, a ewe but rarely an ox. The witnesses usually five bridal/five groomsmen witnessed the auspex and the proceedings and, if good, the wedding could proceed . The bride’s right hand was given over by her father to the right hand of the groom who took possession of his daughter.
The couple shared a spelt cake.
The priest blessed them. The bridal veil was lifted, either by the groom or the bride who repeated the ritual words “Ubi tu Gaius, ego Gaia.”
The
marriage contract was signed, which included the inventory of the bride’s
possessions down to the last hair pin. If in the case of divorce, everything
had to be returned to her father or
guardian… down to the last hair pin. The contract was signed by the priest, fathers,
and witnessed by the bridal party.
Cheers of “Feliciter!” resounded in the halls.
The day was young so the bride now reclined
with her groom who was congenially harassed and all ate and celebrated until
evening. The bride was then removed from her mother’s arms (symbol of
the Sabine women being kidnapped) with a display of resistance. The couple was accompanied
her to the groom’s house in a wild parade of celebration, led by a happy flute
player. Again, “Talasio!” proceeded
them. She was led through a pummeling of walnuts or nuts (surely shelled) that the children
scrambled to claim. These could also playthings of the groom from his
childhood, and the rattle on the pavements was a merry prophecy. 
Three young boys of living parents led her. Two
held each of her hands while the third carried a torch to light the hearth of
her husband’s home. Usually this was
whitethorn or pine and only one of the five lit during the procession. Her
attendants carried her spindle and distaff, symbols of her virtue and domestic
diligence.
They reached the groom’s house. The boy threw the torch away
to a scramble to obtain it, thus granting the person the promise of a long
life. (Or if this was NOT a happy
arrangement between bride and groom, the bride could obtain the torch,
extinguish it and place it under the marriage bed to end this ‘long life” or
the groom could secure it and let it burn itself out on a tomb.)
The bride rubbed oil and fat on the doorposts (symbol of
wealth and well-being), wreathed them with wool and was then carried over the threshold
, spread over by a white cloth and blanketed with greenery, by the groom or by
his attendants (another symbol of the kidnapping) . Inside the groom presented
her with oil and water of which she
touched.
The third and most honored bridesmaid, led the bride to a
nuptial couch where the groom invited her to recline. The then removed the
cloak/palla, and tried to untie the Herculean belt while the party
dispersed. Or a wedding song was sung as
one of the young boys led the bride to the bedchamber to be undressed by women
who had been married only once. It was
then the groom was admitted to the room.
The following day the bride and took part in the religious
cults of her new family wearing the stola of a
matron. And he went to work most
likely.
So, much is still shared
with Rome even today, even with the marriage of two hearts.
42years and counting.
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